


From the Very Beginning

by young_monster



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Casual Sex, M/M, No Smut, no specified characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 02:51:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13157700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/young_monster/pseuds/young_monster
Summary: How casual sex turned into true love.





	From the Very Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really have any two guys in my mind when I wrote this at one in the morning. It can be anyone you want, so have fun with that.

He shouldn’t have fallen in love. We had a good thing going. It was unorthodox, and even hurt us both multiple times, but it worked for us. It was our own way to cope with our separate problems.

He was coping with a breakup, while I was coping with the world. I used to just go on drinking binges, and fuck any random person who would bother with me. He saw me doing this, and proposed to fuck him instead. He made it sound so logical that I couldn’t refuse. I should have. 

We entered a silent contract to be exclusive with each other. Part of the deal when I stopped my one night stands; I didn't really question why he wanted to be exclusive . I didn’t have a problem with it - we weren’t dating, after all - but then he went away for two weeks, visiting family. I had a relapse, and took home a stranger. I couldn’t stop thinking of him when I fucked the stranger, but I didn’t linger on why. When he got home, I told him about it, finding no reason to hide it from him. I didn’t think he’d be as hurt as he was, but he made sure that I quickly understood his pain. 

The next night, he had his own one-night stand with a some chick, and I felt the same things he did: betrayal, anger, and even jealousy. I couldn’t understand why I felt those things, I only understood that  _ he  _ felt those things. That night’s sex was the roughest we’ve ever had, and neither of us slipped up after that. 

None of our friends said anything about our agreement. I used to think it was because they understood that it was helping us, but now I realize that was only a tiny part of the truth. They knew of his love for me, while I was blissfully ignorant. 

It took months, but I finally learned the true depth of his feelings for me. One night, I was at a bar; I wasn’t drunk, but I was well on my way. Flirting with people there and drinking my own bullshit away was that night’s plan for me, but I knew from the start that I wasn’t going to take anyone home. I didn’t even get a chance too - he found out I was there, and he dragged me to our apartment. 

Once we were home, we screamed at each other. He was yelling about why I couldn’t stop drinking - claiming I was going to drink myself into the grave - and I was yelling stuff about why he cared about it so much - it’s not like we were dating. Then, after he threw things at me, he finally told me he loved me. With rage-induced tears in his eyes, he told that he had loved since we were just a couple of dumb kids, but he never said anything. He told me that all our friends knew, and that he used our casual sex as a way to try fake some sort of relationship. 

I didn’t say anything then; I was too shocked, to the point where I powered down. I barely moved, I barely spoke, and I didn’t even try and stop him when he gathered some things and left. I think he went to stay at one of our friend’s houses, but I couldn’t move to check. 

He was away for two days. For forty-eight hours, I was on autopilot. I ate, I drank water, I slept - but I was never fully present. I was in my own land of pain and self-hatred, waiting for him to come back to me. I couldn’t understand why I was so damn miserable and pathetic, not until he returned. 

He needed to get the rest of his stuff, he told me, because he was moving out. He was going to live with his parents until he got back on his feet. I just nodded at him, and watched as he began to pack the rest of his things. He barely got through one box before I realized something. 

I told him the truth, the one I had known all this time but was in stark denial about, the one that was causing me all the pain in the world, the one that made me feel as if the world was mine when I finally admitted it to him; I loved him. I  _ loved  _ him.

In that moment, fireworks went off between us. He yanked me into a hug, and I launched myself onto his lips. We kissed with more passion than ever before - all the passion we had been denying ourselves. All of our pent-up feelings now had a place to go, and we didn’t waste any of it. 

He asked when I had started loving him. He named some obscure day in our childhood, some distant memory that both of us had managed to retain. I had to think of mine, but in the end, it was yet another truth I had only just realized in that moment.

I had loved him from the very beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please leave a kudos or a comment!


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